VictoriaHollow

    I know this isn't much, but I have been neglecting this for way too long. I'm sorry for the way I have been acting on this site. Not that have done anything malicious, but more of the lack of content being published. Also the empty promises I continue to make, despite knowing the chances of fulfilling them would be slim to none.

    Writing used to come by so easily for me when I was younger, but with time and increased responsibility, it seems all I can do is make concepts and hope to not forget them. Aside from DamianVertigo , I haven't told people the whole truth as of why writing even a paragraph is difficult for me. 

    It mainly has to do with stability. I can manage money well, I have no problem with that. Matter of fact, I found a better paying job. It's rather labor intensive, but it pays my bills and keeps me busy. With this new job also being full time, unfortunately, the days that I'm off, I just want to...breath. Then I get into my usual routine of cleaning my house, cooking, trying to reconnect with my friends, etc. Writing has honestly become the last thing I think of doing. Not purposely, of course, but with so many things happening in just about all parts of my life, by the time I go to bed the thought of not writing for the day pops into my head. Anxiety and the fear of failure is another reason, but I've gone into detail about that before in my past journals.

    But there is a high note. I have been tweaking Alternative for the past couple of months; adding new characters, giving current characters improved personalities and back stories, started working on the setting, and I'm about halfway there with what the plot is going to be. And with all being said, I have decided that I will not be writing out this story. There's so many details I want to present, so a visual novel is best. That's gonna be a while, considering I am not a visual artist and haven't honed my drawing skills since... I forgot how long. This gives me plenty of time to make a script and to improve my drawing skills.

    Not to mention that I will be developing an actual novel. I haven't thought of a title and I'm keeping the plot a secret. Just know it's going to be a long process for it to come out and I will do what I can to update.

                                                                                             Thank you

So I know I said that was going to have Izumi finished within a few days... a month ago, but I've been having a lot on my mind. Both for the story as a whole and other projects I wanna flesh out.

#1: Izumi will be the first thing finished. She will be done before the end of this month, I assure you on that.

#2: I'm going to be more in depth about the 'Alternative' universe, including how my characters fit into it. I'm only giving basic info on my characters for a reason. This world has been created, torn apart, revised, many times over the last 2 years, so this will be one of the longest parts of the project. Between making Midori, Rhea, and Izumi, I have already changed Midori's whereabouts (which I will edit shortly).

#3: I will be creating a short story and will have it due before this year's end. I can't tell you what is, but it's been on my mind for quite a while and isn't the happiest. I want to create more short stories while I start building my worlds' for my larger projects. It will have you guys entertained and I will be able flex my brain for ideas.

Due to Harvey kinda reaking a havoc, I had to put my latest bio on hold. But, for the most part, everything seems to be in order. I'm currently working on Midori's cousin, Izumi, but it will be an extra few days before anything is released. Thank you for understanding and I'll keep you guys in touch.

Just wanted to say thank you for the over 100 views on Rhea. It means a lot to me and being back here.

I've apologized way too much about this, and I understand as someone who wants to further their love for literature, they have to stay on top, but doing so has been so hard for me, all because of one thing; fear. For the past two years, no matter how much I had tried making my life better (whether with confidence or education), something always slammed me back past square one. Two years and fairly recently have I gotten myself back on track. Hell, even better! Got my own place, my husband is living with me, I'm coping with my past and building from it; I'm living as someone stronger.

But there is still this fear of failure that has lingered since those two years. I've always felt it was my fault for quitting (school, military), though I had no control in any of the outcomes. Writing has always been a vessel for me to interpret my feelings and thoughts and, for some reason, I'm afraid of accomplishing my goals as a novelist. I had become afraid of failure. The one thing needed to get learn from my mistakes and get better is what I'm afraid of. I HATE THAT.

I hate that I had become afraid to write, to express my love for my characters in great detail, for people to read and critique my work. It held me back until now. I'm now in a better place, as said before, so pushing myself is going to be the next big thing. I've gone on long enough with this, and with that, continue to be with me on my journey. Critique me, help me with certain ideas, I want to due this again.

Thank You